Tag Archives: abuse

NEW weekly feature: Social Injustice News Summary (SINS)

7 Jun

Hello all. I’m here to announce that starting this Friday, I will begin a new weekly feature called SINS.

SINS is: Social Justice News Summary. What I’m going to do is scan major newspapers and publications (as many as I can get to) for stories on social injustices. I will link the stories and summarize them here in a SINS post.

I will do this for personal and public awareness: How can we care about atrocities that we don’t fully understand? How can we do our small part for social justice in our daily lives if we don’t know what’s going on?

I understand that it’s quite sad and sick stuff that I’ll be re/printing here, but it’s better to know. Ignorance counters solutions, but knowledge counters ignorance.

A final note:  When I wrote Social Justice News Summary and realized it spelled SINS, I felt confirmed in this project. Social injustice is sin. Please (proverbially) join hands with me in solidarity against it.

If you have any online publications to suggest that I scan for stories, let me know! Thank you.

*update* I’ve begun researching for this Friday’s first SINS. I am sad to say that the numbers are true: every single day people are killed, abused, mistreated, marginalized, wrongly persecuted, victimized, or manipulated. I realized that I didn’t put any scope or parameters on the SINS project. I would love to present what’s going on in the world fairly by giving all forms of injustice equal weight: child abuse, domestic violence, prison rape, religious persecution, civilian war casualties, famine, human trafficking, elder abuse, civil liberty, gender iniquity, sexual assault, military deaths, homelessness, abuse of the mentally or physically disabled, etc.

But I don’t see how I can both cover the array of different injustices AND do it unbiasedly! Here’s what I’m going to do: limit the number of stories I present to no more than five (theoretically, one for each weekday), and I will try to give attention to all manner of social injustice in and outside the United States.

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“Why doesn’t she just leave him?”

17 Feb

So, let me get this straight: her husband beats her up? And she hasn’t left yet? I don’t understand women who stay around just to be slapped around.

So, you’re calling this abuse: your live-in boyfriend gives you crap about talking to your mom, and would rather you spend time with him than be out with your friends all the time. And he doesn’t want you to have to take care of the money. Where’s the problem?

So, this is your excuse: you don’t want to leave your abusive partner because of the kids. And you say that he has a big enough name to convince people that you’re crazy. And this is what’s stopping you from leaving?

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Let’s unpack these scenarios. By doing so, I’ll be addressing what domestic violence is, and why it’s always more complicated for the victim than “just leaving.”

Scenario 1: She loves her husband. He was nice and caring before, but now she never knows what will set him off into a rage. It’s like living with a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He stands tall and yells in her face, but doesn’t often hit to leave bruises. Instead, he pushes her, strangles her, and pulls her hair. He also humiliates her sexually, and coerces her to do things she doesn’t like.  Every time she threatens to go stay with her mother, he starts crying and tells her that he wants to change. “I’ll be better, I promise. I love you.” She wants so badly to believe him; she gives him another chance.

What’s going on here:

  • one-way love
  • intimidation
  • physical abuse
  • sexual abuse
  • manipulation

Scenario 2: “Giving her crap” about talking to her mom really means that he threatens to hurt her if she tries. He also threatens to hurt her mom and the rest of the family. Furthermore, he makes her feel guilty and slutty if she wants to go out with girlfriends. He constantly accuses her of cheating. He often takes her cell phone. Whenever she tries to get a job, he makes her feel guilty for it. He says she’s too lazy and incompetent to have a job, anyway. They share a car, and he refuses to let her use it when she wants.

What’s going on here:

  • threatening
  • false accusations
  • isolation
  • financial abuse
  • verbal abuse
  • emotional abuse

Scenario 3: The partner could be locally well-known lawyer, law enforcement officer, or public official. He refuses to have his reputation ruined by his partner, who wants to take the kids and leave. The partner has friends in high places – the sorts of places where he would seek help to flee. The abuser tries to convince colleagues, friends, and the children that his partner is paranoid. But even he could convince someone of the abuse, how could he leave without money? The partner is the educated one. There is no way that without support from family, friends, the community, and without job training, that this man could leave and make a new life while supporting himself and his children.

What’s going on here:

  • lack of support
  • financial obstacles
  • lying
  • manipulation
  • using the children

These are not all the tactics that domestic violence perpetrators use to exert power and control over their victims, nor are they all the obstacles that victims face.

For more information and resources:

Jewish Women International

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

National 24-hour hotline: 1.800.799.SAFE (7233)

Power and Control Wheel

Power and Control Wheel